Does this luggage make my butt look big?

     Somewhere in Indiana around midnight, we stopped to get gas and food at a station with a 24hr Subway.  I pulled in to the pump and filled my tank and handed the nozzle back to Mark so he could fill his.  I then pulled away to go park and head inside.  However, I've never ridden a bike with wide hard luggage before.  I've always used my soft luggage which although large are rather high and give quite a bit.  My new luggage is very large and wide and doesn't give as much.  My left bag caught the concrete barrier at the end of the pump island and violently spun the bike around to the right and out from under me!  I ended up standing there with the bike lying between my legs!  Mark came over quickly and we got the bike up and I pushed it over to the parking space to check it out.
     The boy that was working came out all excited and worried asking if we were ok and if there was anything they could do to help.  I told him we were fine and we'd be in shortly to get something to eat.  I started cracking up telling Mark about my fat-ass causing us trouble!  We took the bags off and one of them was cracked in the reflective trim around the handle but, no other damage was done to the bags!  The mounting plates did not fare so well!  The plates have two pins shaped like mushrooms on the bottom and a locking tang on the top.  Both plate were bent all to crap!  One of the pins was torn completely off and the other one was loosely hanging on one plate.  The other plate had both pins but, one was bent severely.  We bent the plates enough that they would  work and put the bags back on.  We bungeed the one with the missing pin so it wouldn't fall off!  We went in and had our dinner after an incredibly complicated ordering process that I won't even go into right now!